I had a heart-wrenching conversation the other day and I think it’s worth sharing.
A couple weeks back, my daughter and I were getting our daily lockdown exercise when I bumped into (aka saw across the street) a local cop also out walking. He’s a guy who occasionally stands up on school stages around the county (a bit like I do) and talks about the devastating harm coming to our young people because of ‘consent’.
We had an ‘across’ the road chat about how even in our ridiculously privileged community, he regularly has to break up parties where 21 yr old guys are partying with 14 yr old girls. The girls often tell him – “I never wanted to sleep with that guy, I don’t know why I didn’t say no, I guess it’s cos I’d had a few drinks.”
“I don’t know why I didn’t say no”
Does that break your heart as much as mine?
He also talked about how the boys (men?) he meets have so little experience with ‘no’ they don’t really understand it when they hear it.
Many are so used to getting what they want (and have very little experience of putting others first). Part of it is that they get their ideas about sex from Porn, where consent just isn’t depicted. Part of it is they’re unfamiliar with consequences or thinking about others.
He told me that while he speaks to parents with other experts like Nathan Wallis to talk about why teens are so vulnerable from a brain perspective. And an alcohol and drug expert. And a cyber predator expert. What they don’t have is someone at the end of the presentation to say
– this is how, in a practical way, you can set boundaries,
– this is how to build a child’s confidence,
– this is how to teach consequences and nip entitlement in the bud
– this is how to raise the chances of your child being able to say no (or hear it), by miles.
I told him that these are skills I teach – because teaching body confidence is impossible without teaching how to deal with failure, how to set boundaries, how to raise kids to be kind and respectful of themselves first (and by extension, others), how to nurture the confidence to say no when you want to.
So he asked if I’d consider joining their team next time. I didn’t have to think about it. Of course I would!
I keep thinking about what that cop told me and about how the skills parents get when they enrol in the Raising Body Confident Kids parenting course have a far wider reach than our relationship with food.
The course is full of tools that can help a kid feel pride in how they act and take care of themselves,
…rather than pleasing others,
…rather than looking good on the outside.
Here’s a quick lesson parents learn in the course.
Every time we tell them “I’m proud of you”, reward them for achieving success and telling them they are amazing…
We erode their confidence.
We send the message loud and clear that pleasing us (and others) is super important.
And, research shows, praise & rewards not only erode confidence, they make your child LESS likely to do the thing we’re rewarding them for in the future.
In the Raising Body Confident Kids parenting course, you’ll learn how to *encourage* a child to behave in ways that make them want to feel good about their actions,
how to create a relationship with them so the listen and engage,
how to give them them the confidence (and internal value) to say no.
And… now how to hear no.
Plus, of course, you’ll help your child develop a good relationship with food and their body…because all these things are linked…
You can check out the Raising Body Confident Kids parenting course here.
The course is still in development, which means you get all the development deals…
…a free plan upgrade
It’s such a pleasure to support you on your parenting for body confidence journey!
Like what you’ve read? Get the free Raising Body Confident Kids 3 part training series (5 mins each), plus weekly-ish coaching emails.